Feeling Guilty

Now that finals have rolled around again, I've realized I'm praying more, which made me realize I had been praying less throughout the semester when I was really overloaded with work. Now I'm feeling rather guilty about it.

I used to have my ritual all worked out: I would get ready for bed, then pray before going to sleep. I liked praying at night because I had nothing else to do and could really devote my whole self and consciousness to it. These days however, with 3 a.m. bed times and 8 a.m. alarms, I just crawl pathetically into bed on autopilot and fall unconscious before I realize what I've done.

And the thing is, I'm grateful for that, too, which makes me feel even worse. There are a lot of people who would give anything to be here, at such a great school, getting less than 5 hours of sleep a night and learning from some of the best in the field. There are a lot of people who worked even harder than I did in undergrad in hopes of coming here and getting the chance to experience what I'm experiencing. It doesn't seem like it should be too hard to carve out 5 minutes in the day to say "Thank you" for everything I've been given.

But it has been hard, and I have been doing it less than I expect of myself. I've been neglectful, and now that the REALLY hard times are here, I'm realizing it. I suppose there's nothing to do except apologize, redouble my efforts to make sure it doesn't happen again, and move forward.
Still, I feel guilty.

So, to anyone who believes in God, remember to pray today! You'll be in my prayers tonight. :)

Wishing you peace,
Danai